When Another Person Makes You Suffer

When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.

Thich Nhat Hanh

From: Beauty and Dreams


I realize I’ve written many times about this topic but as I’ve said EVERY time I return to a topic I’ve written about previously, it is ALWAYS good to revisit an old subject just to make sure we keep it fresh in our heads.

I’ve read several books by Thich Nhat Hanh and I come away with a new perspective on life, on love, on spirituality every time.  I highly recommend searching out Thich Nhat Hanh’s books.  I discovered him two years ago and found him to be a new favorite.  The above quote clearly resonates with me as I HAVE spent time here discussing it as well as out in the world.  I KNOW this is the case because I’ve seen it in action.  Another way of looking at this subject is to call it:
Psychological Projection. It’s really two sides of the same coin.   Thich Nhat Hanh takes it one step further though when he says, the projector doesn’t need punishment.  He needs help.

When someone comes in contact with a person who is lashing out, saying something negative, doing something negative, stop and think for a moment.  Don’t react.  By reacting you’ll definitely say or do something yourself that you may regret.  Think about why this person did what they did or said what they said.  I understand this will be a challenge, but it will diffuse the anger if you reach out to them.  As Thich Nhat Hanh says:
This person needs help.  So reach out and help them.

Don’t get angry back.
Don’t add fuel to the fire by reacting negatively.
React positively by diffusing the fire.  Throw water on it.  Throw a positive.
Reach out and help.  I guarantee they will NOT know what to do.  You threw them a curve.  They didn’t get the response they were looking for.  They will probably stare at you for a moment, taken aback.  That’s a good thing as you already have altered the trajectory of the situation.  No longer is it going according to their plan.  You changed the course of history, and the more often you can do this, you’ll also be able to keep your relationship strong.  And isn’t that the idea?

Don’t you want to be happy?
Don’t you want your relationships to be successful?

What can you do to create a peace in your life?

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.


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