Friendship vs. Romance

A friend recently celebrated a birthday and it dawned on me that we’ve known each other for almost half our lives. She’s one of my longest tenured friends. After I sent her a birthday wish she responded back and said this:
However unlucky I’ve been in love, I’ve had it made up for in the friends I have.
FriendVLove

Some of us are better suited to friendship rather than romance.  I can’t necessarily speak for my friend but I believe I’m one of those who is better suited to friendship.

 

One of the things we share in common is our track record in romantic partnerships. We’ve both been burned a few times.  But my friendship with the opposite sex has ALWAYS been golden.  You’d think after watching my romantic relationships implode and my platonic relationships prosper that I would have realized sooner that I’m better suited to be the “friend.”  The important thing is not how long it took, the important thing is that I realize now.  As I’ve always maintained at Wisdom and Life, it doesn’t matter how long it takes.  It only matters that we get there.  And we ALL eventually find our place.  Sometimes it takes longer for some.

 

Being the “friend” can be fraught with challenges as you go through your life if you REALLY aren’t convinced it’s better.  Watching from the sidelines as your companion dates can be distressing until you realize that as the friend you will be the constant.

 

Romantic partnerships can end.
Lovers will leave.
Marriages may break up.

 

Friendships stand the test of time.

 

One of the things that others may see as weird, odd, strange in my friendships is the fact that the bulk of my friends have ALWAYS been female.  That has only increased as I’ve moved through this, my latest incarnation.  I  feel more at ease in the company of women, always have.  I think it’s because I’m not your so called “typical male.”

 

I don’t drink.
I don’t smoke.
I don’t party.

 

Taking another tack, If you consider my worldview, my belief in Karma and Reincarnation, if you believe that Karma plays a role in our lives as I do, you may reach one of the same conclusions as I have:
That my karma has caught up with me in this life and is balancing the scales from a previous life.  

 

As I said in Karma and Dead Again:
Sometimes I wonder if in a previous life I was a philanderer, and the fact that I have so many women who are my friends is because women see me as a non threat in this lifetime. The karmic aspect being that I can’t find that long term relationship because I’m paying my debt in this lifetime for a previous lifetime’s philandering.

 

Finally coming to this realization and understanding that I don’t necessarily NEED a romantic partner to make me whole has lightened my soul and I no longer chase that elusive ghost.  I’m happy with the friends I have now and it seems that I’ve cheated the rule from When Harry Met Sally that says:
Men and women can’t be just friends..

 

My best friend is female and I don’t think I’d want anything else. We are bonded in a way few others are.  I have to pinch myself sometimes because it still surprises me to say my best friend is female.  How often does that happen?  Not only how often does it happen, how frequently does that relationship last?

 

I must also agree with my birthday friend when she says:
However unlucky I’ve been in love, I’ve had it made up for in the friends I have.

 

I have a whole host of close friends, both male and female and my friends have more than made up for my lack of a romantic partner.  My life is full of blessings and there is nothing unlucky about any aspect of my life.  Are there things I’d like to change?  I can’t even say that.  Growing up I dreamed of changing things but as I grew into the paradigm I’m now in I realized that ANY small change I made to my life would send it in a completely different trajectory.  My life would be so different from what it is now to be unrecognizable.  Much like the Butterfly Effect.

 

My life is golden.
My friendships are golden.  And I wouldn’t change a thing about either.  My friendships made me who I am.  The fact that I have amazing friendships with women is who I am.  It’s part of my Spiritual DNA and I wouldn’t change that about myself either.  I’m happy to have finally realized in this incarnation that I can be happy with a small group of close friends and as I said earlier that I don’t need a romantic partner to center me.  My friends center me and that’s really all I need.

 

Harry was wrong!
Men and women CAN be friends.  I’ve proven it.

 

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

Seeding Planet Earth

There is a theory that humanity developed from space, that we were placed here by a benevolent race from outside this universe.  There have been many movies and television series that touched on this theory.  In the Star trek The Next Generation episode called The Chase in one of the final scenes, we see a hologram of a humanoid explaining how all races are tied together:
Star Trek Next Generation The Chase Monologue

 

One of the plot lines in Ridley Scott’s Prometheus posits the same theory that we all have one common ancestor and that ancestor is tied to a seeding of the planets from another world.

At the 40 second mark of The Prometheus Trailer, we hear someone discuss a pictogram that was discovered in civilizations separated by centuries.

 

Image from:
Pixabay
Earth

The February 6 release of Jupiter Ascending is the latest movie to proffer this theory.  Not that these examples necessarily prove the theory, however knowing that there are many who promote this and seeing it show up so frequently certainly relays the fact that there is something going on.  As Law of Attraction states:
The more something shows up in our reality, the clearer it becomes that we should pay attention.

 

Maybe that’s why I walked into The Madison Coffee Shop a few months ago and saw my friend, Pete Onofrio.  As we waited for our lunches we started a conversation about a variety of topics we are both passionate about.  One of the topics Pete brought up was the theory that we originated from the stars.  The funny thing about my showing up at The Coffee Shop that afternoon was that it wasn’t my initial intention.  I planned on going somewhere else.  Obviously the Divine had other plans.

 

That’s what usually happens when I run into Pete.  I never really plan on doing The Coffee Shop when I see Pete there.  The Divine knows when he is there and it ALWAYS diverts my thought process.  We’ve talked about this before as well, how we end up seeing each other and it’s totally serendipitous.

 

So; the theory that we originated from the stars, how does one balance this with a belief in God?  If we DID originate from another species, who created THAT species?  I’ve touched on this topic previously in a column called Alien Life.  Like the Chicken and the Egg, which came first?  Someone had to create the first life.  As The Bible says:
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

 

Who is to say that God didn’t seed the multiverse?  What if God was the benevolent being who put is DNA everywhere?

 

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

Memory Doesn’t Care

A long time reader of Wisdom and Life stopped into the library a few weeks ago to pick up a couple of books she had on hold.  Lisa R. looked at one of the books and said she THINKS she read it previously.  We then began a discussion about memory and how it works.  Lisa brought up Einstein and said there is a story that he never remembered his phone number because he didn’t care to.  I mentioned to her that if someone asked me about a book I read twenty plus years ago, I can tell you what it was about and why it resonated with me.

 

 

Image from:
Wikipedia
Memory

 

Because you care, she said.  It’s why unless someone is motivated by what they are learning, unless they care about the subject matter, it won’t be retained, she said.

 

What I took away from that conversation for parents and children as well is what I’ve said from day one in my Parental Pressure category at Wisdom and Life:
Let your children go.
Let them decide the course of their lives.

 

If you push them to do something they are not ready to do they will surely fail because their heart isn’t in it.  The memory won’t care to retain any knowledge.  If someone isn’t motivated, they surely won’t learn.

 

I never really considered that.  I never thought about memory working if you care about what you’re doing.  Reading has always been a HUGE part of my life.  It stands to reason that I’d recall books I read years ago.  Lisa struck a chord with me.  It’s not the first time she has inspired me to write a column as can be seen from the search query below:
Lisa R/Wisdom and Life  The first seven columns:
Routines to Life is a Process are inspired by Lisa.

 

I just find it fascinating that it sometimes takes someone else to point out something that we don’t or can’t see in our own lives.  You know, like that saying:
You can’t see the forest for the trees.

 

It makes perfect sense now that I consider it, that memory only works for things we WANT to recall.

 

Do you have examples of this in your own life?  Would love to hear from you if you do. Leave your comments below.

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

 

 

Higher Vibrational People

Seek out higher vibrational people, and avoid those who reflect more ego-oriented behavior patterns

 

Your Ultimate Calling
Wayne Dyer
Page 201

 

Knowing that according to Law of Attraction our thoughts create our reality, it then stands to reason that those we choose to surround ourselves with also influence our thoughts, thus influencing our reality.  If we are feeling low, if we are in a negative place, perhaps we need to look the people in our circle.  Are we letting the right people in?  If not, It may be time to weed our gardens.

 

Weed our gardens?

 

Image from:
Wikipedia
Weeding

Yes.  Are there weeds in our friendship gardens?  Are there people who choke our emotions, who keep us down?  Perhaps some of those weeds hide the fact they are indeed weeds by growing flowers, doing their best to stay in our lives.  What we must do is really get down in the dirt, examine each and every person in our garden.
Do they charm us?  
Do they lift us up?  
Do they bring laughter and joy?

 

Or:
Do they only appear to do so by hiding the fact that they are weeds?

 

We need to be strong enough to know we can eliminate the weeds and still move forward without the pretty weeds, the weeds that appear to be positive, but really still bring us down.

 

We are better than these people.  If it comes down to the fact that you have more weeds than flowers, it is better to eliminate the weeds.  As challenging as it may be to be without anyone in your life, does it really make sense to keep people around just because you’d be lonely without them?

Are these negative people truly your friends?
Do they want what is best for you or what is best for them?
Are they only happy, do they only reach out when you lift them up?

 

Only you can make the decision whether to keep or remove someone.  Eventually your emotional state will make the choice for you.  I’ve learned this lesson and I now have the BEST circle of friends I’ve EVER had.

 

As Wayne Dyer says:
Seek out higher vibrational people, and avoid those who reflect more ego-oriented behavior patterns.

 

It’s more important to have positive people in your life especially if you are just starting down this new path.  You don’t need someone constantly dragging you backward.  It’s why in EVERY recovery program available, those who have been there tell you to drop your old friends because most likely many of them are still not in recovery.  They will only drag you back.  If you are truly interested in growth then it is time to weed your garden.  You’ll find the right people once you remove the negative people.

 

Be strong enough to move forward.

 

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

 

 

 

A Great Chasm

As you go the way of life you will see a great chasm
Jump.
It’s not as wide as you think.

Native American Proverb
Into the Abyss
Page 169
Carol Shaben

 

I read Into the Abyss this past summer and was blown away.  If you’d like to know what the book is about, feel free to open the preceding link.  It will bring you to Scranton Page Turner, one of my other blogs I write. Creating abundance doing what I love has been an amazing experience.  I get to read for a living.  Who else can say that?  Many people obviously.  However, I’ve learned since being in this worldview I’ve been experiencing for sometime now, that as Law of Attraction suggests, our thoughts do indeed create reality.  Because I CHOOSE to see my career in a certain light, because I CHOOSE to see I get to read for a living that’s what becomes my reality.

 

Image from:
Wikimedia
Chasm

I find inspiration for Wisdom and Life everywhere as you can clearly see from this above quote.  As with photography, when I’m constantly seeing with my photographer’s eye, everything quote, every phrase I come across becomes fodder, becomes as my friend, Jason Marchi likes to say becomes grist for the mill.

 

The above passage can be used in almost every aspect of life.
Don’t be afraid.

 

Life is full of challenges, full of chasms.  You can’t move forward if you always choose the easy path.  You won’t live life fully unless you take some risk, unless you jump occasionally.  You’ll stagnate if you constantly run from that chasm.  There will be no success.  Life without risk is not the life I want.  No one should want that life!

 

It’s not as wide as you think.
The chasm is NEVER as wide, the challenge you THINK you have is NEVER as challenging as you make it out to be.  After you’ve faced it down, after you’ve jumped, once on the other side, tell me this isn’t true.  Every time you face a challenge and jump, the less likely you’ll shrink from the next one that appears.  As with muscle memory, the more you do something, the stronger you become.

 

Take that risk!
Jump.
You may surprise yourself and find that you can indeed fly.

 

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

 

 

Intimate Secrets

Forget the first kiss, the first sex, the first tears of misunderstanding, the first fight. Forget the first amazing gift that says they thought long and hard about what you love. This gift is physical proof they tried their best to get you something concrete, in- the-hand wonderful to show the intensity of their feelings for you.

Forget it. Forget it all.

The first great real intimacy between two people begins when secrets are told.

 

Jonathan Carroll
Bathing the Lion
Page 95

 

A new book from Jonathan Carroll
Image from:
Wikimedia
JonathanCarroll

ALWAYS warms my heart.  He is one of the few writers whose books I will purchase sight unseen.  The above passage from his latest should point very well to the reason why.  Every one of his books has standout passages such as the one above.

 

Secrets are indeed the way to someone’s heart.  When you tell a secret, one you never thought you’d reveal to anyone you’re opening yourself up in more than any other way.  As Mr Carroll so eloquently puts it:
A kiss?
The Physical act of sex?

 

These are nothing in comparison to laying bare your soul.  Trusting someone so implicitly as to tell them something no one else knows.  That’s where REAL intimacy is.  Trust comes first.  How can you begin to build a relationship if the foundation isn’t built on trust?  Trust is hard to build but extremely and painfully easy to shatter.

 

Telling your partner secrets is one way of building that intimacy.  You’ll know when it is right to open up.  If you’re fortunate enough to have someone in your life who feels secure to let you in, to share their innermost thoughts and fears, sometimes that relationship can be stronger than a physical one.

 

I know!  You’re looking at me now like I have three eyes, right?  Well you do of course know we DO all HAVE three eyes don’t you?  I guess that’s blown out of the water now!

 

Being intimate seems to have brought with it it’s own set of rules.  And unfortunately, most seem to believe it means becoming physical.  Intimacy is so much more, as again can be seen from Jonathan Carroll’s passage above.

 

Count your blessings if you have someone you can share your secrets with.
Count your blessings if someone feels at peace with you.  These people don’t come around often.

Hold onto them.
Tell them you love them.  Better yet, show them you love them.
Tell them your secrets and they will in turn learn to trust you.

 

And trust is the greatest gift one can give and receive.  Remember what I said above as well:
Trust is hard to build but extremely and painfully easy to shatter.

 

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

Dr Bernie Siegel

My friend, Pete Onofrio in Madison, Connecticut has an events barn at his home on Race Hill Road called The Buddha Barn.  I was fortunate yesterday to be able to hear Bernie Siegel.

 

Image from:
The Buddha Barn
seigel14

It was the second or third time I’ve seen Dr. Siegel in person and each time, I come away with some new insight.  If you have an opportunity to see him, don’t hesitate.

 

Several things he said stand out:
If you hear common themes from people, if Buddha and Jesus discuss the same topics in different forms, then listen.  For Buddha, Jesus, God.  They are all one in the same:
This is one thread I’ve been sewing for years.

 

One story he told is:
When someone transitions they are given a lit candle.  A family member watched these souls carrying their candles and noticed one soul who had an extinguished candle, when the son asked why his father’s candle was unlit, his father said your tears extinguish it.
In other words, you have to let me go.

 

WWLD:
Having a bad day?  Don’t want to get out of bed?  Then think:

WWLD:
What Would Lassie do?

 

Live by your experiences not your beliefs
Don’t let your belief cloud your judgement.  Dr Siegel brought this up in a story he told about meeting an animal intuitive.  How many of us shudder when we hear something that is beyond our scope, beyond our worldview?  Dr Siegel mentioned this animal intuitive story because one of his cats was missing in his house.  He looked everywhere for his cat.  The cat simply would not show up.  Once he left, the cat cried out.  One of Bernie’s kids heard the cat and it came out from hiding.  The cat didn’t want to show itself to Dr Siegal because it KNEW Dr Siegel was not happy having to trudge through the house looking for him.

 

How do you live your life?  Don’t let worldview cloud your own judgement.  Be open to different experiences and fit these different experiences into your worldview, just like fitting puzzle pieces together in your puzzle of life.

 

One of the things I have a HUGE challenge with myself is the physical issues I have:
My scoliosis and the stoop I walk with.
My speech.

 

I continue to not like my appearance, especially when seeing photos of myself and the other thing I have a difficult time with is my speech pattern.  I think some of that stems from growing up.  People in my life would tell me:
Stand up straight.
Think before you speak.

 

As if I wasn’t thinking.
As if I wasn’t standing as straight as I could.

 

Something Dr Siegel said yesterday truly resonated with me:
If you want people to talk to you show your wound.  He gave this example:
Go to a grocery store with a bandage over your eye and watch how many people come up and talk to you.

 

I guess I should take that point to heart and forget about my so called issues, challenges, difficulties.  I don’t even consider my challenges until I see them.  Photos, and now with cell phones, videos of watching me walk leave me feeling distressed.  I DO understand that every challenge is a gift and that’s something Dr Siegel repeated again and again yesterday afternoon.  I just have to meld it into my worldview.

 

There is so much other information he discussed and that’s why I think Dr Siegel is such an important person to know.
Read his books
Watch Bernie Siegel on YouTube

 

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

Building Walls

When you get in trouble and feel there is nowhere to turn, do you build walls and let no one in?  Or do you build bridges and let those closest to you do their best to help?

 

Do you run?
Or do you stay and fight?

 

I completely understand the desire to build a wall around yourself.  You believe its the only way to protect yourself. But doing so will eventually hurt all of your relationships as will running.  No matter where you go you’ll find the same challenges you’re running from.  No matter how many walls you build, you can’t hide from yourself.  Why not build a bridge and let your closest friends help you?

Image from:
Wikimedia

Trust once broken is near impossible to get back.  We all need people sometime.  We can’t always be an island unto ourselves.  Everyone should have people they trust implicitly, whether it’s a member of their genetic family or someone in their genetic friendships.

 

Do you have someone like that in your life?
If so, hold onto them.  It’s so rare to find them.

 

Build walls with everyone else.
Run away from everyone else.

 

Make sure you let that one person in.

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

Water Wheels and Writing

Writing has become something I love to do again and I’m writing every day.  As a result, I’ve found that the editing process has dwindled.  I find that I’m not make grammatical errors and my choice of words has increased as well.  Some of the columns I write for all of my blogs now are written a few days before they publish.  I no longer agonize over the little things in my writing.  The only thing I STILL do worry about is the structure, where a thought will go, where a line in the column will go.  Not so much spelling or grammar anymore.  I can’t help but think of my friend, Jason and his analogy to a water wheel.

Image
From:
Chatfield Hollow/CJP Photos

 

Jason used to tell me that when we write regularly, the wheel is always in motion, an easy flow.  It’s when go away from it that we have to expend too much energy to get the wheel moving again.  It’s that way with anything we do, the more we practice, the better we get, the looser we get.  It’s why when I began Wisdom and Life in 2010 I made sure to have something publish five days a week.  Doing so was my way of greasing the wheel.  I needed that extra effort to keep my wheel from freezing up, from rusting, from locking up again.  It seemed to have worked as I’m now at the point where I don’t spend as often editing anymore.  I may not be writing five columns a week at Wisdom and Life any longer but I now maintain three blogs, so I’m writing as often as I did when previously.

 

My wheel is in constant motion and I plan on doing my best to keep it that way.

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

Stories of Negativity

Continuing to tell stories of shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. A different story will bring different results: My thoughts are the basis for the attraction of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money, and health, for my comfort and joy.

 

Abraham-Hicks

 

Taking this quote in a bit of a different direction,
You cannot continue to self talk negative thoughts.
You cannot continue to tell yourself that you’re a failure.
You cannot continue to tell yourself that you’re alone, that you’re unloved.

 

It will only create a self fulfilling prophecy.
You MAY have thought that at one time in your life. You know what?  It was NEVER true!

 

And you know how I feel about your thoughts
That they create our reality.  Hence the self fulfilling prophecy routine I spoke of earlier.   I dislike when I hear people talking down to themselves and about themselves. There is absolutely no reason for it.

 

My friend Gibson Goff is big on finding success. His blog:
A Daily Dose of Success is based entirely on the topic.  I’m sure he would agree that negative  self talk is a sure way of disembarking from the success train.

 

Just like telling stories of shortage will create a reality of shortage, replaying old tapes of failure, of being unloved will bring more of that reality into your life.

 

Is that the story you want to tell now?
Is that the life you want to lead now?

 

I’m betting it isn’t.

 

It is pretty easy to stop.  It’s is more challenging to continue NOT falling into that routine again.  Constant vigilance is what it takes. When you feel yourself falling down the rabbit hole, you MUST pull yourself up, shake yourself off and say:

Image from:
Flickr
RabbitHole

That was my old story.
That was what people used to say about me
I’m not that person anymore.

 

If you are feeling that way regularly, maybe you have to look at the people you are surrounding yourself with.  If the people you are surrounding yourself with are telling you this story, it is time to find people who will lift you up, not drag you down.  You don’t need negativity in your life if you are challenged by negative energy yourself.

 

You need people who will show you your light.
You need people who will show you love.

 

Can you find those people?
Can you stop telling yourself negative stories?

 

Be Happy!  Be Well!  Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

 

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;

 

We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.